Running and Change...again.

This is a confusing, frustrated time for me.
Maybe it's the weather, season, or just the fact that I can't seem to keep up with change. I'm holding up, but there are days when I just want to throw my hands up and forget trying to be obedient. As a child of God, He calls me to be trust and to listen. And to be honest, like the child I can become, I don't want to.
I want things done my way, I want my life to be comfortable and for everything to fall under MY schedule.
Why is there change? Why is it expected that I have to run faster in this marathon of change? I'd rather stop, take a breather and just I don't know...quit running. And even if there is running involved, the only kind of running I'd rather do is run away from this race. That would probably be the only run where I put so much effort...but keeping up with change? No.
The last time I felt so frustrated and stuck, was after we left Okinawa. And I look and remember my God's refining time. It was a time of polishing...and I hated it. The process was just so...ugh. But it made me a more humble person. I'm not as humble as I should be...but I think I've been brought down farther than in Oki. I am blessed for that time, but I wouldn't want to repeat it.

Right now?
I don't think the lesson is humbleness.

But trust.

A trust in Him during this circumstances. I would rather have it my way and leave this path of change. But He has me walking it, offering me the assistance and strength to do what I need to do. I'm not alone. He's reminding me He is here with me and I just need to take the hand He has offered.
My Lord, will You help me to move and to keep moving? Give me the willingness, desire and ability to keep running the race you've set before me. Don't let me give up. Only You can enable me.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
³ For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls."
Hebrews 12:1-3