Cassandra woke me up..
"Maria! Pastor Chuck passed away!"
I got up groggily..."What? Smith?"
"Yes, he's gone."
It took awhile for the news to hit me...in fact, I didn't even react for 20 minutes until later when I found myself downstairs...until my throat started to get choked up while I was in the kitchen...I moved to the dining room and sat at the table. My sisters were in the middle of making breakfast when they found out so Cassandra began to set the table.
"Do we have to sit here? I thought you guys were going to eat on the kitchen island." I needed space to think and be alone. Conversation switched back and forth. Okay, we were eating on the dining room table. I got up and sat on the stairs and
Crumbled.
I heard my family nearing the stairs so I went to the bathroom upstairs to gain control. I didn't run because I didn't want anyone to ask me questions.
I shut the door and wrenching, silent sobs escaped me. I let my torn heart just go...once I felt control spinning out of reach, I took a couple of breaths to calm myself. What is wrong with me? Pastor Chuck Smith is with the Lord now!, I repeatedly told myself. He is in heaven! My mind was jumbled and all I could think of is...I wonder if he is asking all those questions he wanted to ask the Apostle Paul? Is he talking to Paul right now?
I'm not the best person to be around when my emotions are swirling. Once everything settled down, I reflected...and kept on telling myself, He is with the Lord!
Finally, after I settled down, I went to have breakfast...and my mom who had already shed some tears shared what was on her heart. She was grieving just like I was, except in a more controlled manner...and I cried. again.
But the Lord filled my heart today...with songs and verses...
"I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and byI'll fly away "
And I'm not fan of Chris Tomlin but his song was in my heart too...
"And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain"
And the verse Matthew 25:21
"His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant;...Enter into the joy of your Lord.’
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints" -Psalm 116:15
I've been sad all day...this week has weakened me a little emotionally...and this morning just brought me down. But I know and I can rejoice in one thing. Pastor Chuck Smith is with the Lord. We will see him again...and my Lord Jesus Christ is still on the throne. He is alive...Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.
Jesus is here.
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints" -Psalm 116:15
I've been sad all day...this week has weakened me a little emotionally...and this morning just brought me down. But I know and I can rejoice in one thing. Pastor Chuck Smith is with the Lord. We will see him again...and my Lord Jesus Christ is still on the throne. He is alive...Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.
Jesus is here.
I am so sorry Maria. So thankful that we don't grieve as those who have no hope - but we have HOPE! We have the gift of salvation, the promise that we will see our brothers and sisters in Christ again, and we will be in HIS presence forever. There is so much sadness in this world - so thankful he was a shining light in your life and that he has now stepped into his reward. But grieving with you for your loss, all the same. Much love.
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