I have FINALLY found my purpose...well, sort of.

My mom gets annoyed every time I throw something in the air and I catch it...usually her favorite coffee mug, a fruit or something fragile. Always something fragile...it annoys my mom better. ;)
One time as I was tossing an onion in the air, I decided it'd be a great idea to add a tomato to the equation. Soon I was juggling two objects, and my mother snapped, "You drop it, you eat it!" I laughed and threw the vegetables higher. She started a challenge and I still play it to this day. Only once did I drop something and it was an old orange. Bleh...I ate it. It wasn't spoiled, just a day or two lost-it's-sweetness kind of taste. And she said that's what I get for dropping it.

Challenge accepted.

However, for fear of one day eating an onion, I still only juggle with two fruits/vegetable. Usually an orange,tangerine, apple, grapefruit!, and just something I happen to find. And I love watching her as she walks into the kitchen, and then freeze as she sees me toss something high in the air.
"MARIA!" her loud voice carries warning.
"Okay, okay...I'll stop." I say with laughter. But then I do one more round...

It's something that I just love doing whenever I get bored and it's easily entertaining.

Today, as I was just feeling all emotional and thoughtful one of the kids handed me two tangerines.
"Here, juggle." he said playfully. I looked at the fruit in my hands and was like, "What?"
"Juggle!" he said. He didn't think I could do it.
With a smile, I tossed them in the air and watched the expression on his face. There a sense of awe in his eyes and he smiled in wonder as I threw the fruit in the air. "Here, finish your snack." I told him handing the fruit quickly back. He asked for help to peel the tangerines and when I helped him, he bounded to the bench to finish his snack. But something occured in that small moment. It's ridiculous but instantly I felt that I had fulfilled something. I had found my purpose.
Crazy? Yes. Wierd? Duh.
All those times, of teasing my mother by tossing her precious groceries served a purpose.
I had made a child's day and suddenly I knew this was where I supposed to be.That second opened my eyes to the realization this is where God wants me to be. Not in Oki or anywhere else in the world. He wants me to be in a little small playground loving His children.
 The kids I work with everyday lighten up the times when I wonder what am I supposed to be doing or when I get discouraged seeing people getting their dreams getting fulfilled and I'm stuck. Here.
God has been showing me this where I am supposed to be. I'm not with the kids very much but I'm with them enough to know they need or like having me around. I'm learning to pray for them because like my last job, I know they need it. Every child needs prayer. Many kids in this world go through things that adults themselves don't go through.
When I quit my last job in Oki, I was heartbroken. It was painful leaving the kids who filled my time there with laughter, and I told God I wouldn't work with kids again because I felt it to be difficult. For two years, I fought the prospect of working with children. One day when I was talking to my mom, she suggested working in the school district. I told her no, I wasn't working with kids again..."But you need a job! Maria, let them go." I got disappointed but I knew she was right. So I started applying with the school district, but they never called. I was kinda glad.Not because I wasn't working but for crying out loud, I loved my kids back in Oki and in no way was I working with them here. Ridiculous? Of course. 
Until my mother got involved and pushed the issue a little more. By God's grace, I did get a job, which you can read here.
God is so good to break down walls I've built and showing me Himself. He's been placing reminders on my heart and I have this desire to pray for them. To be there and He's been giving me the grace to deal with them. Sometimes when they yell or get sarcastic in my face, I find myself calm. Only by God otherwise I would've been foolish enough to stoop down to their age level. It's only by God, He grants me the wisdom in my words...and the ability to forgive them. He uses them to refine me and make me grow up. They need me. I need them. As cheesy as those last sentence sounds, I know it's true. I LOVE THEM!
I have a purpose and it's there with them.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for not listening to my wills and bringing me here. Thank You for the kids that light up my day and showing me how to be there for them...Thank You for showing me my purpose which cannot be found in Okinawa but only here. Thank You for that moment. Be with the kids and may they grow into people who love You. May they feel Your presence and sense who You are. If You will, let them see You in me. Help me be an example. Grant me the ability to love like You. Oh, Lord. Thank You. Thank You so much for revealing Your purpose. Dear God, just yesterday I had prayed that You would show me...and You are faithful to answer. Thank You precious Lord. I love YOU. Surely this place has something good. You are teaching me to love again...