I admire you!

Welllll….

I am having a moment. Of course, if you know me I have these ALL THE TIME! ;) But it’s the kind of moment where you just think. Scratch that, I always am randomly thinking. Maybe I think too much.

Anyways, I am facing a dilemma I can’t stand. I like to post verses on Facebook, quotes, or anything that could encourage people. Often I post up my own prayers up there because I have friends who see this and help me to stay accountable…however, I’ve had a few compliments. I’ve been thought wise (oh dear) and people say that they admire my expressive love for the Lord. I love that people see the love I have for God. I never want to hide it because I hid it for so many years and it quenched His work in my life. You can read about that here. 

But when people start to look up to me, I get a sinking feeling. I don’t know but I just feel so inadequate to be considered so highly. Now, I don’t mean to be all “Look at me, I’m humble!” NO. I just know the sinner that I am and whatever encourages, exhorts, convicts someone…well it was God who did it. I just post truth. Now, I also like to post funnies (hehe, many of you know I love to laugh).  I think laughing and making someone’s day is a good thing. Heck, I might even be considered a silly girl who never thinks seriously. And maybe that’s true…I don’t know.

But it is becoming hard for me to accept compliments like these.

There are days when I see what encourages me and I have to do a double-take and ask myself a few questions.

Why am I posting/sharing this? Is it for my glory? Is it to show off, so people would see how “spiritual” I am?

Let that NEVER be the case!

Now while I’m over here moping…the flip side is, shouldn’t I be glad I’m being used by God? I’m asking myself this right now (hehe. Wow, can’t believe I’m writing all this).  And if I am, how do I pull myself out of the picture where the only One they see in my post/picture/verse is Jesus? How can I avoid being considered so highly? And if it is impossible to get out of the equation, how should I deal with it? These are hard questions for me.

Like the old hymn says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love…” that is my heart. I mess up every.single.day. I get distracted by the world many times. That is the real me. Because I get distracted, I always need to remind myself who I need to turn my eyes to. Jesus. That’s why I post. I need to be kept accountable. I never want to leave God for the world. My love for Jesus is real…but I often find myself pulling away…you see? I’m not as good as many would like to think. I wander, get upset easily, lash out, and I get pretty prideful. I’ve hurt many hearts and most of all I’ve hurt Jesus. But He still loves me and takes me back.

*sigh*

While the compliments make me sink…God allows me the privilege to see the blessing. Knowing people are blessed by His Word and who He is. I love that. Yes, I can’t stand compliments…but when people say, “I needed to hear that today.” Or something along those lines…I feel like the child holding the Father’s hand, looking up at Him and saying, “You spoke to them! And you used me!” I love seeing His work. My faith just grows…and the desire to be used by Him grows stronger. I don’t want the praises that belong to Him. I want to hear Him being praised.

Well if you read this far and was able to understand my confused, sad little self, great! I would appreciate any input so let me know if I’m just weird or thinking too hard. Hehe. Looking forward to Sweet Sunday tomorrow.