Strength

Psalm 27:14

 

 

Ever pray for something so persistently and constantly? You bring it to God ALL THE TIME, asking Him to fulfill it and if you don't have it,  you are afraid of the pain of rejection or God saying, "No." Such has been my season these last few months. I brought my issue to my friend and they offered to twist fate so it could be accomplished. And in my stupidity, I followed suit. Or maybe it wasn't stupidity. I was taking a chance and it's the first time I've ever took a step into the unknown. Was I risking rejection? You bet. Was I afraid of rejection? Sure was.

But I concluded if I never gave it a chance how will I ever know? Could I be satisfied knowing I didn't take a leap and things would've been different?

No, this time I wanted to jump in the deep end and know what it was like.

With a deep breath, I jumped in...and took a risk. I had been in suspense over the results and I asked God to please accomplish and fulfill my desires if it was His will. Over and over...and this week has been different. I brought it to God more fervently, praying to please do something...and instead He gave me Psalm 27:14

 

Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

 

He gave me this verse. And fear took hold...because I saw 'wait' and 'strengthen'. Instead of a proclamation of fulfillment, I read something else. Wait, be of good courage, He will give you strength. And my heart, I believe, knew what was coming. I denied it, not willing to believe it....but what I saw was the answer no. And I was going to get that answer soon but He wanted me to be courageous over this answer and He would give the me the strength to accept it when it was told to me.

I got my answer and it was a no. My feelings plummeted and I was ready to give in to self-pity and ask, "why?"

But like a gentle lift, I felt as if Someone had caught me from behind. I was falling then He caught me and told me tenderly, "I will strengthen you." After the initial shock, I really would have rather gave in to my feelings and struggled in anger. But I saw none of that would accomplish anything...much less change His mind. He knows what's best for me and when He says no, He does it not to purposely withhold anything for fun, but because He has something MUCH BETTER. So I gave in to His hold and loved Him instead. At times, my feet felt like they would buckle from the weight of my emotions, but He was there holding me up.

I'm amazed and awed that I am feeling...strong? Not of my strength but His.