Just feeling sad today...I don't want to dwell on it too much because I'll cry and who wants that? My birthday was 4 days ago and it wasn't what I would call the best. But it's okay! Really. Things just never happen as people plan and I guess that's what happened. I just need to tough this out and keep moving. Why should I let this bring me down? With Easter recently, I've been changed. I feel more grateful for what Jesus has done and I am just more in love with Christ than ever. I have known Jesus since I was young but I never really expressed how I felt about God to anyone. I was embarassed lifting my hands up sometimes or crying about what He did for me. I quenched that. And because of it I grew dull towards God. He wanted me to experience Him but I pushed Him away because I was embarrassed of my reaction! I guess I was trying to have a relationship without relating to Him. Foolish me. It's like having a friend you love to laugh with but because you're afraid of laughing like a hyena with them you avoid them. Why does it matter??? But this Easter, He melted my heart. And I cried. And I loved. And I sang. It didn't matter I was off-key (in heaven I hope I get a soprano voice...just saying) it didn't matter my hands were shaky, and it didn't matter if I looked ridiculous. I was worshipping a KING. A King who LIVED, DIED, and ROSE!!! I was so tired of hiding how I felt about Jesus that I couldn't even feel anymore! But He brought me to Him again and showed me what He went through for me! He showed His love for me, was humiliated, and He did it because He loves me. Why was I holding back? I'm growing since that week...and I love it.
This post started emo-ish but I'm not going to delete the beginning. I want to remember how I started off sad and then ended feeling much better when I meditate in Jesus. To remind me to turn to Him when I am down because He loves me.
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