Story behind my Rebel and dealing with my rebellious heart

Whoa, talk about an emotional week! One would think the birthday week would be special but that wasn't the case. Oh well. :) Today I thought my camera was stolen. BLEH. Talk about anxiety! I tore apart my room (its quite messy now) and looked outside (I had done a mini photoshoot in the backyard) and finally just sat at the top stair of our two-story house and cried a little (okay maybe not a little). Gosh I've just been on an emotional rollercoaster. Whats up with that? So I decided I needed to pray. Already I was thinking of the cost of a new camera and how it was gone. I was asking for the strength to move away from my materialistic involvement with my camera when I found myself saying that if I found my camera I will use it for His glory. See, the story behind that camera is extremely special to me. When I started working back in 2009 I raised enough money to buy a Canon Powershot. A nice big one. So we while were there I was getting ready to pay when I saw the Canon Rebel XS. I showed it to my mother and she was like "Which one?" I pointed to the desired camera and she pulled me out of the line from the register at the electronics department. Seeing my questioned look, she asked "Why are you paying almost $300-$400 dollars for that camera when the one you want is $600? Just get the Rebel." I was shocked. "Wait, what? You mean that?" I asked. "Yes!" she replied. I was so excited. I bought the camera and took it home. I played with it, took it to dinner (my dad wanted to eat out that day) and then something nagged in me. I pushed it. But the more time passed the nagging feeling grew stronger. Finally when we got home that night, I looked at the camera again.  And the nagging feeling. Return it.
I was like what? My mom noticed that I was being thoughtful, asked me how I liked my camera.
"I think I should return it." Then I related to her how I just kept thinking I shouldn't keep it. Almost a conviction. "Then return it." she said. I nodded and closed all the contents back into the box. "Its a nice camera." I said softly.

Fast forward to the next day.

Meet my Canon Rebel XTi. Faithful for the last 3-4 years.

I was waiting in customer service and I found myself talking to God. How was He planning to give me a camera? Did He want me to wait longer? I saw an old man in front of me returning the exact camera. Hmm...(Let me say at this point I was trying to figure God out) what are the chances that camera could be mine? Did God orchestrate this? Am I getting a better  deal? Or even better! What if this old guy is sent by God (a.k.a. as angel) and he would actually GIVE me a camera! However that didn't happen. My number was called up and I returned the camera without any hassle. Walking out of customer service I felt sad. I had wanted this for over a year and I was being told no. I saved up for a camera. But God was directing me otherwise. So with an overabundance of emotions (gah! I am SO EMOTIONAL.) I sniffled (okay I sorta sobbed. sorta.) and walked out of the store. That night I related the events with a wonderful lady at church. She mentioned she had a camera similiar to the one I returned, I smiled and asked if who was the photographer in her family, and she laughed and said no one! And that was the end of the conversation. I thought nothing of it. The next day or two on Facebook she messaged me. She offered to sell her camera to me. I blinked a couple of times, re-read that sentence like 100 times in 30 seconds and ran down the stairs, scaring my parents. "What happened?! What's wrong?!" With a big smile on my face, "AMY WANTS TO SELL HER CAMERA TO ME!!!!!" The price was exactly what I could afford! My dad said go for it. And my mom (being the mature Christian that she is :) ) told me that it was God. That Sunday I met Amy and I saw the box. And I opened it and I saw my Canon. :D I paid her the amount ,went to the van (after thanking her), and took a picture of the front seat. hehe. A moment that big and I take a picture of the back of the passenger seat. But I loved it. Its been almost 3-4 years and I have to admit I neglected this gift. Since moving to Washington, I've been uninspired to pick up my camera as much. But today, when I thought it was gone, changed that. I'm going to take more pictures of God's creation. I wasn't using my gift because I wasn't happy here. In my previous posts, I mentioned I was upset at God. I guess I was somewhat a Jonah. I wasn't willing to be used by God because I did not like Washington. And that included He couldn't use the camera He gave me. Sheesh. I act so SPOILED. But I want to change that. And  I'm going to try now to use the gift He has blessed me with.