"God, told me to marry you."
"Wait, wha-???"
"He did!"
Has anyone ever fallen for that? I think it's pretty safe to say, DON'T.
Why do I say this and where am I going with that statement? The last few weeks actually this month, the Lord has been giving me somewhat of a wake-up call. Know His Will has been the recurring theme and I've been bombarded with different things emotionally. He's been showing me to NOT to rely on emotion and not to rely on statements when someone (a guy...or anyone really) says they have something from the Lord and I'm involved. I remember when I was in a situation like this and I felt so, so, so, so SICK. I was nauseated and confused because they put that statement forward, literally, the "God" card and I didn't know anything about it. Was I supposed to do it? Was I to take this person at their word? What was I supposed to do? I didn't want to eat during this time because I didn't know if I could and such a burden was extremely overwhelming. I remember looking up at the stars and telling the Lord, "Here is my anxieties and feelings. I don't know what to do and I can't rely on my feelings right now. Show me the way and give me the desire and courage to do this if what this person said is true." I was granted peace...but not the desire to do the task. Instead, He reminded me of other burdens He had placed, people He wanted me to still be available to. I saw faces in my mind's eye and I had a love for them. He was reminding me of His will for me.
" Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:"
-Phillipians 4:11
For some reason I don't understand why this verse was given that night...I guess if you've kept up with my posts or have talked with me at all, you might know I've been wanting to do so much more. I've been complaining of being here and not doing my plans. I haven't been content...and I've brought it up to the Lord. Constantly.
And this month has been a lesson of being careful what you ask for. If He has been showing me something else why am I asking for something different?
Okay...work with me...I think I'm getting it.
The Lord has given me this verse in every season where I wasn't content where He had me. I wanted to do more and do things...my wills. And in a sense, He gave the opportunity this time (honestly, it seriously could have been a test)...but I knew it wasn't what He wanted for me. I knew it wasn't in His plan for me. I guess that is what made me sick because His blessing wasn't on it. While they were good opportunities, He reminded (after the nausea passed) He wanted to use me where He placed me, to make me more into the image of His Son. Learning to sacrifice my wills, my pride and dreams for Him. My dreams and wills on the surface are what you would call "Godly". But the pedestals they have in my heart are not. They block His plan for me and take His place when I let them.
So I know now, I must say no. I need to say no. I need to learn to be content because the lesson being taught isn't over. I'm not ready to take on that opportunity for now because, even though it's "Godly" it would drive me away from Him...
Still praying...and trusting He will lead me where I need to go.
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