Racing

It's late...almost two in the morning!
But I need to speak... ;) Here's a checklist on whats racing through my head...

I miss Okinawa (Winter Blues just bring that UP again)
I want to be a photographer
I'm wondering what is God's will for me
And what should I do?

I've been so restless and frustrated this week. I can't pinpoint what the problem is. I keep asking myself, "Why am I so frustrated? What am I  missing that I just can't be HAPPY???"

Maybe it's my cold. I tend to get a teensy bit more thoughtful when all I'm doing is resting and reading blogs with a faithful box of Kleenex.
Maybe it's my dear friends who are going off to do missionary work and I just wish I was doing the same thing.
Maybe it's because I'm remembering the excitement I first felt when I thought God was calling me to Bible college. (Due to circumstances...it isn't happening. :( )

I mean, what am I doing with my life???
Other than writing, loving the kids at work and church, drawing, doing random photoshoots here and there, being helpful around the house, college...

What is the reason I am here right now at this very spot?
Am I doing anything for God? Is anything I'm doing really worth it? Am I doing anything for His kingdom? Is loving the kids, writing on this blog, scheduling a few photoshoots, doing some design work on the side, studying...
Why am I doing it?
What is my purpose in waking up every morning doing the same thing over and over each day? I remember the street-witnessing I did a few times...the anxiety but the way the words flowed whenever I trembled inside. I remember giving encouragement when I didn't know what to say. I remember feeling embarassed whenever people asked me to pray, but the prayer was spoken and I knew He was placing the words to say on my heart.
I'm to live each moment for Him and do everything for Him...
But how do I do that...right now?