Frustrated? Bored? Angry?

This week and last week haven't been my best days. If anything, I've had only one good day and that was on Saturday. But that was only one good day among 14 frustrating days! I'm not quite over being sick so that might have contributed the grouchiness in me. What's been going on? Feelings of frustration and boredom have overwhelmed me to the highest degree possible. Might be the winter blues. Might be the small bug, I got. Might be the military brat instilled in me, fighting to move again.
I've been feeling like I need to get out, and travel. Hence, why the one day field trip away from here appeased me for a few hours. But as I got to thinking about this yesterday...my boredom and desire to leave isn't the root...its the result of something else. What was it that caused me to want to leave so bad? Why was I so frustrating bored to tears some days?
Neglect.
Neglect in spending time with God, the Word, praising Him and relishing in who He is.
Yes, I admit this. Because I was deceived into thinking I was meant to leave, do something BIG...when God has other plans I have yet to do. He has this camera-loving, furball-crazy, tortilla-master (might be an overstatement) stubborn, single college girl here.
You see, I neglected any contact with Him. Therefore, I made my own plans and dreams without His counsel. Then I get angry (the few times I squeezed prayer), asking Him why He wasn't fulfilling them. Well duh, Maria. They weren't His plans!
My family have been wondering why I've been quite moody and they confronted me about it yesterday. Specifically, my mother. And I was just so angry at what I felt to be accusations. You know those moments. You feel like the whole world is against you when really people are just trying to help you and figure out what is wrong. I was so upset (I didn't cry. I was just that upset) and so pushed to frustration that I only did what needed to be done in the first place.
Pray.
PRAY.
and PRAY.

"God, I can't do this. Mama is asking me to get up and I just can't do what she is asking me! I don't have the strength to move anymore. She needs me to get up and I can't. Only You can help me move. Only You, Lord, can lift my frustrations and get me doing what I need to do.You can do this! So please help me. "
And you know what? It was like the strings of anger began to unravel around my heart. It felt tangible...my mom was still talking to me but this time I wasn't feeling upset at her anymore. It was an amazing thing and nothing I've ever gone through. The Lord spoke to my heart and I remembered the command He gave to the lame man, "Get up." But like a child in need of a parent to walk with, so I needed God to walk with me. I needed Him there because I didn't want to be angry anymore for no reason! I hesitated, and wondered if He would allow me to fall back in to my bitter feelings. But I remembered His promise. He would be with me... and He would never leave me.
So I got up and I was filled with the strength to keep on moving forward. To not allow the things that've been running through my head, thoughts that I've allowed to discourage me, or make me doubt God's will. And to quit walking alone...but to seek God with my whole heart.
As, I've said before...
I'm just a block of wood in desperate need of sanding by the Great Carpenter Himself...