Dreams.
I'm not one to try interpret dreams. I don't like to put weight on any of them but lately, they just seem to impact me. I've had scary ones that I dare not dwell on or else my fear might run away with it...and I've had those which make me think.
Such as the one last night.
I dreamed my church did a missions trip to Mexico and Japan...maybe it's the closeness I have with these two countries but for some reason they were together. I was excited to see my family in Mexico and I admit I was ecstatic when I saw the people from my old church...but for some reason, my old church and I just didn't click. They were different...
They received me and my family with gladness...but something was missing. In the dream, I turned to my mom and she asked me what was wrong.
"I just don't fit anymore."
"Well, things have changed since we left. We can't go back to what it once was."
And she was right. I found myself serving alongside my current church (we were helping build something) but longingly looking at my old church. And no matter what happened, even though my old church was super nice and loving...I just didn't belong there. I felt it in my heart.
Last month, I prayed and asked God for the possibility of moving back to Okinawa. I asked for a door to be open and for the path to be made for me to go through.
I see now, I was asking selfishly...Through devotions, circumstances, and the message of learning to be content in all things, I don't think that's what God is willing. My dream, though I'm not sure and I don't like to interpret them as such, has helped me realize I can't go back to what isn't there anymore. It's shown me I need to be here and to live according to His will. He will guide and give me the ability and love to live here. I don't love living here...but I've accepted it. And that's a start.
This desert season has taught me to look to God...Right now, it's like the calm before a storm. I know I'm not out of it yet...but for now everything is quiet. He is teaching me new things, revealing things I didn't realize before...it's good. It's like a spring-cleaning of the heart. There are some things I need to get rid of and grow out of. He's molding me during this season.
It's good.
I think this is so cool. God had to help me realize this too. After college, I moved home and then I started looking into jobs back in my college town because I missed it so much. But going back would have been different. I asked selfishly to go back too but God helped me realize it would not be the same and He had better things for me. I am so glad our Lord points us forward when we try to go back. He is good and has many good things ahead for us. :)
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